onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize