The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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