the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
