Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
