When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Randomize
