it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
