I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize