dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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