I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
