a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
