I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
