i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
