I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
