Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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