You don't have asthma, your pregnant
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
