Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
