Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize