Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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