Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
