Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize
