I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
