I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
