Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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