had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
