At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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