I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
