I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
