Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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