Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
