Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I just found a bag of teeth...
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I think your dad took our porno
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
