You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize