Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
