I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize