Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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