I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
