I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
