I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You dont lie about slip and slides
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
