Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
