im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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