ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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