You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize
