why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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