I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I've blown a few things in my day
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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