judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
