break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
