Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
