wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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