somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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