Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
