I'm gonna have a badass scar
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
