Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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