My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
