How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
