she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
