You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
