this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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