hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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