highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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