I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
