my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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