Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
