Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
