I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
