Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
