No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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